A man’s wife has never given him oral sex

Author: Nina

Dear Nina,

My wife and I have been married for over twelve years, and in this time, she has never once agreed to give me a oral sex. We have shared all sorts of life and sex experiences, have had two children together. We have had sex in several interesting places, and my wife never had a qualm.

And yet in all this time, with all the times we have had sex together, not one time has my wife been willing to put my penis in her mouth!

Sarah, I’m a clean guy. I bathe regularly. My penis isn’t so big that any woman would find it in any way threatening to put it in her mouth. I’m not rough or impatient during sex. There’s nothing wrong with me that I know of. And for over twelve years my wife has refused to do this one thing for me.

I’m not asking that she deep throat my penis or swallow my semen – just a little licking and sucking would be wonderful. But it never happens. I have been a good husband, and I try to make sure that our sex is always good for her. I have asked her nicely to suck my cock for over twelve years of marriage and another two years of courtship. I’d like to experience oral sex with my wife – is this too much to ask? What can I say to make her want to suck me?

Thank you,

Marty P.


Dear Marty –
You say your wife has shared all kinds of sex experiences with you, and that you have asked her to give you oral sex now for 14 years. Perhaps there is something about the idea of putting a man’s penis in her mouth that makes her feel extremely uncomfortable.

You say that you are a clean person, but that penis and testicles are an area from which sweat cannot evaporate easily. Perhaps if you and your wife took a shower together, and you scrubbed your penis with soap and rinsed it well, she would be willing to lick the sides.

A lot of women find the idea or the taste of semen unpleasant. If your wife wants to avoid having
semen in her mouth, perhaps she could lick the sides and the head of your cock, avoiding the tip of your penis. Or perhaps she would consent to try sucking it while it is in a condom. That way she could be sure of not having semen in her mouth.

Perhaps your wife has a very active gag reflex and feels as if she is going to throw up when anything touches the back of her throat or the rear roof of her mouth. This is fairly common with both men and women. If this is the case, ask her to try licking the sides, and the top, and tell her that if she puts her lips over the head of your penis, you will not pull down on her head in any way. She will have complete control over how far her lips go over your penis, so she does not have to go down on it far enough to cause gagging.

You don’t mention if your wife has ever told you the reason she has been unwilling to suck your cock.
Does she find the entire concept of this act in some way taboo? Many women are victims of our
culture, that says that if a woman sucks a man’s cock, she’s “dirty” or a “slut”. We use the terms
“cock sucker” and “suck my dick” as ways to express anger or disgust with other people, which
certainly wouldn’t make it seem like a wonderful experience to someone who was raised to think that a “nice” woman would not do such a thing.

If this is not the case with your wife, perhaps you can wash your penis and you and your wife can have fun putting chocolate syrup or whipped cream on the shaft and head of your penis. Then your wife can try licking it off in tiny licks. That way, she will have a fun and familiar taste to try.

You sound pretty upset about this. Your wife is not rejecting you as a person or a man. She is only unwilling to do this one thing, and it sounds like it is the ONLY thing she has not been willing to do with you. You seem to take her refusal thus far as a statement of some kind, but it is very likely that her unwillingness has nothing at all to do with you, and is only regarding oral sex. She may also be feeling very pressured, and that is not good for your relationship

If you have a varied and active sex life, and you and your wife care for each other, one sexual act
shouldn’t destroy your marriage – or even your sex life together. If you are gentle with your wife
and make sure she doesn’t feel forced or feel that you’re trying to guilt her, she may be willing to try to meet you at least half way to please you.

Good luck,


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