I am 38 and my husband and I have been together for 8 years. We are very close, still sexually active, and I have never withheld anything from him, nor lied to him in any way.
In all that time, I have had a secret that I am afraid to share with him. I have what I consider to be a very perverted fantasy – I have thoughts about receiving a spanking from him and chastisement for my own bad behavior.
I am a lawyer, and the head of a small first, so I suspect that my husband would be very surprised to hear that I have such a submissive vision of myself. I think about being put over his knee, him being rather annoyed with me, and about him applying his hand to my bottom with me helplessly looking at the floor. I find that this fantasy leaves me wet and excited, feeling totally vulnerable and childlike.
Do other women have such fantasies? Is it something people in professions such as mine think about?
If so, are there places where I could read more about fantasies about spanking and female submissive sexual situations? I would feel better if I felt that I was normal. I would feel that perhaps there is nothing wrong with me, and that I could safely share my fantasies with my husband.
I feel so warm toward him after such a fantasy. I do not want to change our overall relationship, which is wonderful, and I do not want my husband to leave me. But I feel that holding back something like this is not good for our relationship.
Can you tell me something about my fantasies, and whether I can tell my husband in your opinion?
Dear Phyllis –
You are normal – this is a fantasy shared by many women! Perhaps it is our upbringing, but many women (and some men) find stimulation in receiving a good, hard over-the-knee spanking.
And yes, absolutely – you should tell your husband about your feelings and your fantasy. For one thing having a secret between you will tear apart your relationship. For another thing, there is a good chance that your husband will love it. Most – although not all – men get a rush of power and even sexual gratification giving a spanking. Telling him could even bring you closer together.
You can read about female submission in such books as “Nine and a Half Weeks” and more extreme submission in “The Story of “O””. There are many magazines on the adult newstand dedicated to spanking, some even as a lifestyle. There are many more magazines dedicated to submissive women.
There are organizations such as Shadow Lane, Threshhold and the Janus Society that are dedicated to dominance, submission, and the BDSM lifestyle. They are also very serious about the concepts of safe and concentual play, so they are good places to start.
A lot of women find there is nothing as exciting as being placed over a male knee – usually a partner – and to have their pants pulled down or their skirt pulled up. As with so many female fantasies, this is even better if there is a scenario around it that makes sense – some kind of correction is taking place. Some very strong women find great satisfaction in being helpless across her husband’s lap.
Hopefully your husband will react well to this news. If you have had an overall honest relationshiop, he will probably at very least stand by you and appriciate your honesty. It is not as if you have been cheating on him – you simply have a few turn-ons you haven’t shared with him. And in telling him, and leaving yourself vulnerable, you will give him a greater level of emotional intimacy. This is usually very good for a relationship.
If you happen to have problems telling him, please try a counselor – set up a session between you, your husband, and the couselor. That might make it easier to break the ice. Also if there are any problems between you, a counselor is always a good way to go.
Why not tell him today? Perhaps you could live your fantasy tonight!
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