Author: Maximillian Excaliber
“Accidents Will Happen – sweet Revenge”
By Maximillian Excaliber
“Please, Baby, fuck me now!”
I couldn’t believe she had just said that to me. Hell, I still have trouble believing that Kelly, the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and my childhood friend, was lying naked on my bed when she said it.
But wait, I am getting ahead of myself.
Chapter One “Coming Home”
You see, it all started last Friday when our bosses had thrown us one of those few bones that the Corporate Demi-Gods, in their infinite charity, bestow once in a while upon their lowly minions. They had decided to be magnanimous and let us off two hours early for the upcoming Christmas Holidays.
Kelly gave me the “Good News” while she drove us home, home being a house I had inherited from my grandmother and was sharing with Kelly, her low-life boyfriend Billy and my now ex-girlfriend Sherry.
“Oh, I almost forgot to tell you Jim,” (that’s me by the way) “Billy proposed to me last night and I have decided to accept. I am going to tell him when we get home and make it my own special Christmas present to him.”
Great, this was going to be some vacation! Last week Sherry informed me, quite un-expectantly, that things were not working out between us. And now, not only was I going to be helping her move her stuff into the spare bedroom, but Billy was also going to be gloating over his conquest of Kelly until they are married.
I had decided not to kick Sherry out but instead took pity on her, as she was a college student with just a part-time fast-food job.
Oh, did I mention that I really dislike Billy? I had always had a feeling that he was sleeping around on her and I think he suspected it. But that’s okay, because the feeling is mutual and neither of us make any attempt to hide it.
Thinking of the joy I was looking forward to over the Christmas vacation, I considered whether it was less painful to jump out of the car and into the path of the oncoming bus in the other lane, or just call in a bomb threat to the local Post Office so I could spend some quality time at Guantanamo Bay. Guantanamo Bay was, after all, away from home and all the “Holiday Joy.” I decided that the way my luck was going, all I would probably be likely to do is break my leg, send up my insurance rates and incur a lot of co-pays.
It occurred to me that perhaps I should have used that pirated copy of Rosetta Stone I downloaded from the torrent networks to learn Farsi instead of Japanese if I were going to try and pass myself off as a terrorist, so I could use Guantanamo Bay as my vacation spot. Eventually, I decided to stay in the car.
When we pulled into the garage, I wondered if we still had any rat poison in the house. While pondering whether I should use it on Billy or myself, I immediately noticed that Billy’s Harley was already parked there. Now this seemed a bit odd, but I just disregarded it. After all, Kelly and I had gotten off early from work ourselves hadn’t we?
When Kelly saw Billy’s bike, she went all giggly and bubbly. “Cool, He must have gotten off early too. This is going to be a great vacation!” she said.
‘Hmm… maybe I could learn enough Farsi to…’ I thought and began to reconsider my options once again.
Kelly unlocked the door to the kitchen and walked into the house, with me trailing not far behind her.
The first thing we both noticed were the unmistakably loud sounds coming from the living room… sounds of a man and a woman having very vocal, if not passionate, sex.
As Kelly and I walked into the living room, I braced myself for what I was sure was going to be a most ugly scene, only to find that the erotic symphony was emanating from the stereo attached to my large-screen TV. It was obvious now that someone was playing a DVD that surely was in violation of every prudish state’s pornography law. I knew this for sure since I had seen it many times before.
Kelly looked at me with a somewhat embarrassed expression on her face as she picked up my multimedia system remote and said, “Billy must have been watching one of his porn DVD’s.” Then she pressed the power button turning everything off.
We both stood there in shock. We were expecting all the sounds of carnal delights to cease, but they did not! Emanating from the direction of Kelly and Billy’s bedroom, over what sounded like Dueling Banjos from the soundtrack of the movie Deliverance, was the sound of bedsprings, bodies slapping together and the unmistakable voice of Billy saying “Baby, make the pig noise for me again. It really turns me on!”
It was followed by a somewhat familiar female voice saying, “Weeee, Snort, Snort, Snort, pound my ass farmer boy!”
I didn’t know whether to laugh aloud or grab Kelly and my laptop and drive as fast as I could to the nearest Starbucks, just so I could use their wireless hot-spot to search eBay for a Buy-It-Now price for a couple of chastity belts. Instead, I just stood there and turned to look over at Kelly, only to find her already headed down the hall to their bedroom.
I followed her, all the while wishing I had not helped her buy the 9mm Beretta I knew she was caring for protection. She threw open the door just as I caught up to her and there was a scene that I can only describe as coming right from one of those 70’s porn novels. The ones that had such titles as “The Farmers Daughter” and “Cousin’s Barnyard Fun.”
Up on the bed, on all fours, complete with pigtails, cut-off denim shorts around one ankle and wearing a pink and white Polka dot halter-top, was my not so loving ex-girlfriend, Sherry. Behind her, wearing a pair of denim overalls with a flap down the front, a dirty white T-shirt and a straw hat, was Kelly’s soon to be ex-boyfriend Billy, with his dick buried hilt-deep in Sherry’s ass. Yee-haw!
Well, to make a long story short, for the next several minutes there was a lot of screaming and yelling from Kelly with words like “Bitch, Whore and Slut” being tossed in about every sentence.
I decided that to avoid a catfight, and potentially Billy’s homicide, both Sherry and Billy would have to stay at a hotel and pick up their things from the lawn the next day.
Kelly, once they had left, tossed both Sherry and Billy’s things on the lawn. Then, still pissed and crying, she decided to sleep in the spare bedroom. She told me it was too painful to sleep in her old room that night.
I, on the other hand, chose to dwell on the more pleasant thoughts provided by the knowledge that the weather report indicated there was a 99% chance of rain both that night and all the next day. While not happy that Kelly had been hurt, things were looking up for her now that “Farm Boy Billy” was finally proven to be the jerk that he really was. I was sure Kelly would be better off without him. Though I had no illusions that I could ever hook up with Kelly, I did hope that perhaps I could find a way to save the holidays for her.
Chapter Two “Shopping”
The next two days, Kelly moped around the house, crying every time she saw something that reminded her of Billy and what he had done to her.
I, for the most part, was numb and really didn’t want to talk about it with Kelly, for fear of setting her into another crying spell. I actually welcomed the call I got from my aunt, asking me if I could come over that afternoon and help her with her computer. As I headed off to my aunt’s house, I knocked on Kelly’s door and told her where I would be and to call me if she needed anything but to not worry about supper, as I would be bringing it home with me.
During the drive, I couldn’t get the picture of Sherry with her hot ass on Billy’s prick. Her voice kept echoing in my mind reminding me, “Things were just not working out between us.”
As I tried to suppress the feelings of betrayal and anger that finally started to surface, I laughed aloud when I realized that Billy was indeed a literal pain in the ass. Ouch!
My mind turned to more pleasant thoughts of Sherry and Billy stranded in the middle of the ocean, on a cargo ship with nothing to eat but rump roast, corn-on-the-cob, potatoes deep fried in KY jelly with chocolate pudding for desert. Yeah, I know, everybody else says it too… I need help.
It turned out that my aunt had not quite figured out the need for anti-spyware and her Internet connection was running like a pregnant turtle with one leg, going nowhere fast. I fixed her problem in no time, using some really nice freeware utilities I knew about.
Seeing the coffee cup on top of her computer and “rack” on her monitor, I tried to explain to her that perhaps the top of her desktop computer was not the best place to set her coffee cup no matter how convenient it was, and that even though they may sell those neat plastic trays that turn the top of your monitor into a nick-knack shelf, she might not want to put her favorite house-plant on top of it as it might leak and short out the monitor. She frowned at me, seeming somewhat unconvinced and as I got a mental picture of her, both watering her plant and monitor, I asked her how good her home owner’s insurance policy was.
On the way home, I stopped at one of those fast food sandwich shops and picked up a veggie combo for Kelly and roast beef for myself.
I walked in just in time to see Kelly standing over the answering machine. She was listening to a message. The voice on the recording belonged to Farm Boy Billy. He was trying, very badly, to tell Kelly how sorry he was and that it was just a one-time thing between Sherry and him. That he had been lucky enough to get a fully furnished apartment with Internet access and would she please call him at his new number.
Kelly did not look convinced as she hit the delete button on the phone. Then she picked up the phone.
“What are you going to do?” I asked.
“I am going to tell him he can take his apartment and his apology and shove them up Sherry’s ass,” she said as she started dialing.
After about thirty seconds she put the phone down having not said a word and just stood there. “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“It was Sherry!” she said and burst once again into tears.
I told her that everything would be all right and held her in my arms as she cried.
After she stopped crying, I got her to eat something and asked her if she wanted to watch TV to take her mind off of things.
She agreed. But, when I saw what she picked out to watch, I thought it might have been a bad idea after all.
The movie was entitled “The Art of Revenge” and was a slick little “B-movie” about a woman who’s husband lets her work while he finishes his college education and starts a potentially lucrative business. He dumps her when she says she wants to stay home and have a baby, as they had agreed, while he works for a change. While not a bloody revenge movie, it was messy for her victims and well worth watching. It really just doesn’t pay to have a resourceful and determined woman mad at you!
At first Kelly cried as she watched the woman in the movie being screwed over by her husband but then, as the woman began to take revenge, Kelly became engrossed in the movie.
After the movie was over, she told me she really didn’t want to watch TV any more but was going to hit the Internet for a while. She asked me if I didn’t mind watching TV by myself? I didn’t and I told her so.
I was glad to see that she seemed to be trying to take her mind of the unpleasantness of last night.
At about 8:00, she came into the living room and said to me, “Let’s get the hell out of here for a while.”
“Okay. Where do you want to go?” I asked.
“With everything that’s been going on lately, I completely forgot to finish my Christmas shopping. Want to hit the mall?” she asked. So off we went to the mall.
On the way, she said to me, “I have been so selfish lately and completely ignored the fact that you must also be hurting after Sherry dumped you,” paused a bit and then continued, “I know I never asked and if you don’t want to talk about it I will understand, but why did she dump you anyway. If you don’t mind my asking?”
“No, I don’t mind. It will probably do me some good to talk about it,” I said. “All she did was ask me why I couldn’t be more like Billy and tell me how you were such a lucky girl. Now that I think about it, she was really jealous of you.”
“Last week, she asked me to kick you out and got really pissed when I refused to. The next day, she told me things were not working out between us.”
“You know, Billy used to piss me off all the time by telling me how hot Sherry was and what a cute little ass she had,” Kelly said while changing lanes. “Every time I would call him on it, he would accuse you of putting ideas into my head. Do you even have any idea how much he really hated you?” she asked.
“Yeah, I kind of figured that out,” I responded.
“Then why in the hell did you let him stay?” she said almost angrily.
“Because I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought if I kicked him out, I would end up losing you as a friend,” I answered.
After that, we both sat quietly for a while.
Finally, she broke the silence and changed the subject by saying, “Who is on your Christmas list this year?”
“No one but you now,” I replied. Then I added, “But I’ve already gotten your gift.”
We were sitting at a stoplight and she just looked at me for a few seconds deep in thought.
Finally she asked, “What do you want for Christmas?”
I thought of telling her the truth, that what I really wanted was her. I decided it was not the best time to confess my true feelings for her. So instead, I said, “Just once, I would like to stop being a doormat and get a little payback. But I would settle for dinner with you.”
I think that actually surprised her a little, because she waited a few seconds to respond, “Well, think you can help me pick out the last few items on my Christmas list? I have decided on something special this year.”
“Anything you want Kelly,” I told her as we arrived at the mall.
When she showed me the list, I was surprised to see what she was buying. It turned out the list included a digital video camera that could auto-zoom, had automatic motion-tracking, and USB-PC link capabilities. The last items on the list were from Victoria Secrets and turned out to be a really sexy red and black teddy, matching stockings, bra and panties.
Having finished our shopping, we stopped at one of those wannabe Japanese fast food places at the mall and went home to wrap our presents.
A short time later, I found myself at home wrapping the Planet Hollywood jacket I had gotten off eBay for Kelly, when she knocked lightly at my door and asked if she could talk to me.
“Of course,” I answered then added, “I’ll be right out in a second.”
I finished rapping her present and decided that, even though it was a bit early, it might help cheer her up a bit if I gave her the jacket now.
I knew she had been eyeing that particular jacket on eBay but would not have spent the money on herself to get it.
With box in hand, I went into the living room, where she was waiting for me on the couch. I handed her the box and said, “Merry Christmas Kelly! Go ahead and open it now if you want.”
Thanking me, she took the package me and began unwrapping it.
“How did you ever find one? It must have cost quite a small fortune,” she said when she saw what it was.
“eBay,” I told her, and then added, “Don’t worry about the price. You’re worth every penny.”
I instantly felt awkward from my overly honest choice of words.
She started to tell me how I shouldn’t have spent so much money on her, that I was too good to her, and that she would always cherish it. Then she gave me a big hug.
When she stopped hugging me, I sat down and asked her, “What do you want to talk to me about Kelly?”
She began, “Do you remember what you said you wanted for Christmas?”
“Yeah,” I replied, “but we already had supper.”
“No,” she smiled, “what you said you REALLY wanted for Christmas!”
She saw the confusion on my face and said, “A little payback!”
“Well, I have an idea how we can both get a little payback,” she said.
My brain was not working really well because all I could say was, “Huh? How?”
“Well, I guess you are just going to have to fuck me,” Kelly said with a wicked smile on her face.
Chapter Three “Stop Feeling Like A Doormat”
“What?” I was shocked. Not that the idea didn’t appeal to me, but this was somewhat out of the blue.
Seeing the perplexed look on my face, Kelly began to explain her plan.
“Look, Billy hates you and, despite being an asshole, is really jealous when it comes to me. And from what you told me, Sherry felt pretty much the same way about me. I can think of nothing that would piss them both off more than if they thought that you and I had hooked up together. So, why don’t we broadcast a live video of ourselves making passionate love and send them a link to the feed by email?”
Shattering my illusion of finally being with her, she said, “Oh, we wont be doing it for real. But we will be the only ones who know that. This way we can both get some revenge and you can stop feeling like a doormat.”
“So that’s what the video camera and sex gear were for?” I asked after my brain had finally connected the dots.
“You got it!” she said.
Kelly had apparently given this quite some thought and had come up with a script. We had decided that to really sell it, we would both have to be completely naked. There was no need for a condom, as we weren’t actually going to have sex and Billy knew she was on the pill anyway. The script included lots of foreplay and when the time came to simulate the dirty deed, I was supposed to lay on top of her with my penis actually on her belly and there was to be no real penetration. We would not record it, but would instead send a live feed, just to be sure that nobody ever got a copy of it.
And so, after about thirty minutes, I found myself standing in my bedroom and wearing just my under shorts. The video camera was set up and rolling the live feed to my computer.
Kelly had already sent Billy and Sherry the link to the live feed. When she was sure that they had started the feed and were in session, we began our little show.
Looking even more beautiful than I had imagined she would, Kelly stood before me dressed in a bra, panties, stockings and a negligee. Slowly, she slipped off the negligee letting it fall to the floor at the edge of the bed.
I came over to her and took her into my arms and, as I began kissing her neck I asked her, “Are you sure you really want to do this?”
“Yes,” she replied and kissed me passionately on the lips.
For some reason, I was embarrassed as the blood began collecting in my penis and I was beginning to grow a raging hard-on.
She lowered her hands to cup my ass and kissed me. I decided I might as well demonstrate the same commitment and while kissing her on the neck, lowered my hands gently and cupped her soft round bottom with both hands, which elicited a moan from her.
Damn, I thought, she is really trying to sell this. She kissed me again deeply and then pushed me back gently and said, “Let me give you a little show, baby.” With that, she unclasped her bra and one at a time slowly lowered each strap until her beautiful breasts were fully exposed before me.
Then she looked up at me and said, “Do you like them, honey? They are all yours now. Now, I am going to unwrap your Christmas present for you, darling.” Then, she slowly slid down her panties, revealing her beautiful trimmed pussy.
By this time, my hard-on was straining against my under-shorts, trying to burst free.
“Let me see what my man has for me,” she said as she reached out and gently pulled down the sides of my underwear, until it fell to the floor at my feet.
My now raging erection sprang straight towards her. For a second, I could swear I saw lust in her eyes.
She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me toward the bed. Then she pulled me tightly into her and kissed me passionately on the mouth once again. I decided that she was a natural actress. I landed partially on top of her and she kissed me even more passionately. At no time had she kissed me with her open mouth.
She wrapped one leg around me. She released the kiss then gently pushed my head towards one breast putting her nipple into my mouth while whispering into my ear, “Make it look good for the camera.”
What else could I do? I took it into my mouth and ran my tongue around it only to discover that it was already quite hard.
She moaned once again and her mouth remained open as she grasped the back of my head, firmly pulling it to her breast. I heard the zoom of the camera and could see out of the corner of my eye that it was aimed straight at her head. I had to use one hand to hold her breast centered in my mouth.
As she took her hand and moved my head to her other breast all, I could think of was how she was really getting into our little play-acting.
After a few minutes, she kissed my neck and said to me “Please, Baby, fuck me now!”
So that’s how we got where we are now. I climbed between her legs, as we had planned, and pulled the sheet partly over us. She reached down between us, as though she were helping me enter her, but instead placed my penis on top of her belly. With the sheet covering us from the waists down, the camera would not see that I was not actually in her. She looked me in the eye and we began our simulated dance of love.
Everything was going as planned, until I noticed that it was becoming difficult to keep my penis on her belly, partially because of her simulated erotic movements and also because it seemed to be getting wet on the bottom. I also noticed that every time I pulled back, she seemed to jump just a little, and her breathing was becoming more excited.
Then it hit me. I had been rubbing on her clit with the top of my penis and each time I did, she was arching her back just enough to cause me to slide across the furrow of her now wet pussy. She must have realized what was happening, because she pulled me to her as though she were going to kiss me on my neck and whispered, “I’ll fix it.”
The camera was fully focused on our faces at the time she kissed me on the mouth. With that, she raised both knees and planted her feet on the bed and attempted to arch her belly towards the bed.
That’s the point where the script got changed.
First, when she raised her knees, the sheet fell completely off of us leaving us fully exposed to the camera. Secondly, her timing couldn’t have been worse, because at the moment she tried to arch her pelvis downwards, my penis had just rubbed the tip of her clit, causing her to jerk up just a bit before arching her pussy downwards.
“Oomph,” I said into her now open mouth, as I slid hilt-deep into her wet and warm pussy.
Chapter Four “One Hell of A Show”
She seemed to spasm for a several seconds and held me tightly in her arms. To make matters worse, I heard the wheeling sound of the camera’s motor and realized that it was now focused directly on our fully joined and totally exposed pelvises.
I pulled my mouth from hers and started to say, “I didn’t mean to…”
She cut me short, pulling my head to her neck as though offering it to me for a kiss and whispered in my ear, “It’s alright. It’s not your fault.”
I turned my head to the side of her neck that was away from the camera and said, “But the camera! It’s focused down there.”
Lifting my head, she looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Well its done now. We might as well give them one hell of a show!”
And with that, she wrapped both legs around me and pulled me tightly into her embrace, as she kissed me passionately with her open mouth. Letting her tongue explore mine, she began massaging my penis in and out of her pussy.
I needed no more urging, I reached up and cupped her right breast with my left hand and began gently fondling the nipple, causing her to writhe even more, as I began a slow and steady pace of strokes to my own orgasm.
I angled each stroke upward, hitting her G-spot each time I entered her. Each time I did, she would spasm and moan, “Ahhh… Ohhh… Ahhh…” into my mouth and tighten her grip on me, then loosened it again slightly as I pulled almost all but the crown out of her.
“That’s it, fuck me like that, baby,” she said as she turned her head to the side and began kissing gently on my neck.
I began quickening my pace as I took one of her nipples into my mouth. This caused her to arch her chest upward, feeding me more of her breast.
“Oh, My God!” she said. “Yes, that’s it! Just a little more… Almost there. Uhhhh.”
I quickened my pace knowing that the dam was about to burst for both of us.
Just when I thought I could not hold out any more, she screamed in ecstasy as wave after wave of orgasm struck her, causing her to push herself hard onto my penis. Feeling her caught up in the sweet spasm of orgasm was too much for me, and as I plunged deeply once again into her, the flood gates holding me back opened and my seed flowed into her voluptuous body. Riding the wave, I continued stoking into her, each stroke causing her to writhe and spasm until finally it was past for both of us.
I looked down at her and she kissed me tenderly and said, “I have been such a fool! Why did you put up with me all these years?”
“I think you know, don’t you?” I answered.
“Yes, I do,” she said to me while stroking my back gently with her fingertips.
“What are we going to do about it? You know this kind of thing really messes up friendships,” I said.
She thought about it for a second and then said, “Yes, it does complicate things between friends, but not between lovers,” and kissed me passionately.
After we broke our kiss, it occurred to us both that we had forgotten about the camera and in unison we both looked over at it. The battery had run down and it was off. I then realized that we had forgotten to fully charge the battery before using the camera. I told her so and we both laughed.
She looked thoughtful for a second and then said to me, “Hey, how about we call our next session Oral Delights?”
“But with a full battery next time?” I asked with a big grin.
“Who cares?” was her response, and with that I kissed her again and led her by the hand to the shower.